New research measures the time it takes to get over a breakup: 276 days for women compared to 189 for men, including relapses, new acquaintances and constant presence on social media.
The end of a relationship almost never coincides with the exact moment in which two people separate. There remain habits that continue to repeat themselves due to inertia, places that are suddenly difficult to cross and small daily automatisms that seem to ignore what has happened. The bond is interrupted in reality, but its elaboration follows a more secret calendar, made up of advances, relapses and days in which sadness and relief can coexist without contradicting each other.
New research by Unobravo tries to measure this time, conducted by interviewing 1,670 adults in Italy. The questions dedicated to the end of relationships were asked of the 816 participants who declared they had experienced a breakup, separation or divorce. On average, those interviewed said they needed 231 days, around seven to eight months, before feeling emotionally ready to move on.
There is no right time to forget an ex
Behind the average of 231 days very different experiences coexist. 51% of people surveyed say they felt ready within three months, while one in four said it took more than a year. 5.5%, on the other hand, declare that they have not yet completely processed their latest breakup.
The gender differences that emerged from the responses are also significant: women indicate on average 276 days, compared to the 189 reported by men.
Why relationships end
The reason most frequently indicated by interviewees is progressive distancing, associated with loss of attraction or lack of compatibility, cited by 24.8% of the sample. This is followed by frequent arguments and conflicts, with 23%, and lack of communication, indicated by 20.8%.
Infidelity and differences with respect to future plans, such as marriage, children or lifestyle, both reach 17.3%. Some differences emerge in the responses: women mention infidelity more often, while men attribute greater importance to physical or geographical distance. Economic difficulties, on the contrary, appear among the least mentioned causes.
The difficult relationship with the ex’s social media
Contemporary separation also has a dimension unknown to previous generations: the person does not really disappear, but continues to exist through immediately accessible photographs, updates and digital traces. 34% of those interviewed admit to having checked their ex’s social profiles after the breakup.
A seemingly minimal gesture can become a way to keep the bond open, seek answers or check if the other person has already started again. Even starting a new relationship doesn’t necessarily coincide with the complete elaboration of the previous story: 41% say they started seeing someone before they really felt ready.
The people close to you remain the main resource
To get through the period following the separation, 36% found support above all in friends and family. 25% focused on work or new personal goals, while 20% paid more attention to self-care, through physical activity and hobbies. 9% instead chose to undertake a course of therapy or psychological counseling.
When the end becomes a new awareness
Getting over a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting it. It may mean being able to insert it into your history without allowing it to occupy the entire present. 65% of respondents say they have a better understanding of what they want from a relationship, while 63% feel more aware of their emotional needs. Overall, 59% also recognize a breakup as a form of personal growth, a percentage that rises to 69% among women and stops at 51% among men.
