With Beppe they were called Meetups, Conte renamed them Nova. The name changes, but surreal ideas always come out of local meetings of members: goodbye to NATO and the Ministry of Peace, but a common army of the EU. And then houses expropriated and drugs released.
«Every morning, in Africa, it doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle. The important thing is that he starts running.” The bubbly 5 stars have revised and corrected that old African proverb, to print it on exhortative posters: «In politics, according to the house rule, you can be as you are: bumblebees or butterflies». Bumblebees “make noise, pollinate, destabilize”. Butterflies are “silent, aloof, they leave space”. Metaphor aside: in the Movement’s lively symposiums there is room for everyone. The task, moreover, is arduous: to develop decisive proposals for the quarrelsome coalition. Campo largo struggles. There is not only the heartbreaking dispute over the primaries between Elly Schlein, Piddina leader, and Giuseppe Conte, five-star tightrope walker.
The most insurmountable problem seems to be the program itself. The supposed allies agree on almost nothing. However, a light, generously turned on by the former prime minister, will illuminate the darkness. Project born from below, challenge to the strong powers, construction site of supersonic ideas.
Elly, get out of the way. Giuseppi takes care of it. It will be he, after consulting supporters and voters, who will indicate the path to victory. Thanks to the new Meetups, already the cornerstones of grillism. They are called Nova. “The government program will emerge from here” promises Conte. For months the militants clashed throughout Italy. After having racked their brains like never before, they delivered 107 reports to the Josephite party. While the leaders dawdle, bumblebees and butterflies are already drafting bills.
Let’s take foreign policy. They have very clear ideas: no more NATO, military spending and American bases. And dialogue with Russia. The furrow with the Nazarene becomes a ditch. Hold on tight, however: here it’s Italy or die. Over 16 thousand people took part in these events with history. “There isn’t a minute to lose,” says Giuseppi in the capital, at the EUR conference building. Meanwhile, Roberto Fico, governor of Campania, opens the general states of Naples at the Arena Flegrea. And Paoletta Taverna, free-range vice-president of the Movement, is spotted at the Herculaneum stop. But all the big shots of the Movement participated with rare enthusiasm.
Fantasy in power is certainly nothing new. Already at the time of the glorious Meetups, Beppe Grillo’s followers did not skimp on obscurities: chemtrails, subcutaneous microchips, overwhelming evidence of the existence of mermaids. But we also flew very high. See the establishment of the Ministry of Transition to Happiness, ready to block taxes at every decline in national mood certified by Istat. Or the power of veto on the budget entrusted to a plumber and a student chosen by lot. Here we go again. “What should the government do in the next five years to concretely improve people’s lives?” asks Volturara Appula’s lawyer. Having put away his Trumpian sympathies, he rediscovered the Kennedy spirit: “Don’t ask what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.”
Faced with the heartfelt appeal, bumblebees and butterflies did not hold back. Hundreds of indispensable solutions, destined to change this ancient Italy forever. The Ministry of Peace, for example: will monitor and control the Defense Department, unless there is a military attack from another nation. But the aim is also to rewrite planetary geopolitics. Pesaro is therefore asking for the establishment of a European army to dismantle the national ones. To facilitate the dichotomous undertaking, from Guidonia they propose “the restoration of a single language” on the continent. But the most compact front is the one that demands immediate exit from NATO. This will be followed by: a stop to weapons in Ukraine, economic sanctions on Israel and the restoration of trade on the Silk Road. The exact opposite of Piddine strategies, in short. A doubt then arises: if Schlein were to win the Campo Largo primaries, will the antithetical five-star voters vote for her in the political elections? It is reasonable to doubt it.
In the meantime, the 107 reports requested by Giuseppi spread certainties. Like taxes on the rich and wealthy. The assets? Chop and chop. In Salerno they therefore launch the “Patrons of Italy” project: the rich people pay 2 percent of their assets, but in exchange the State will generously name nurseries and hospital wards after the benefactors. The Cremonese instead suggest unleashing artificial intelligence against tax evaders: travel, hotels, cars. If the anti-braggart algorithm does not match the 730, the control is triggered. From the progressive laboratory of Vibo Valentia comes another not bad idea: adjusting traffic fines to the income of offenders. Even the rich cry. And even the poor souls: anyone who earns over 35 thousand euros should pay 3 euros a month. The harvest will be used to finance an anti-tax evasion task force of the Financial Police. The most original contribution, however, comes from Potenza: giants like Amazon will subsidize the unfortunate people who live in territories colonized by automation. Giggino Di Maio celebrates from the balcony of Palazzo Chigi? Antiquity. The citizen’s income is paid by that scoundrel Jeff Bezos.
It was said: Elly doesn’t heat. Ilaria Salis, however, enchants. In deference to the Italian Left MEP, already a serial occupier, in Piacenza they are calling for vacant or dilapidated properties to be expropriated. This will be followed, they detail from Modena, by the nationalization of Enel and “all strategic industrial assets”. Old communism is supported by turbo environmentalism: transcontinental car sharing of electric vehicles and legalized hemp to replace plastic in cars and construction. To be combined, of course, with the Arezzo suggestion: up to 12 grams of cannabis “can be transported outside the home” and 200 “can be held in a private area”. In Teramo they are also asking for a nutritionist in schools: it will help reduce meat consumption and methane from intensive farming. The ecological lockdown is then unattainable. Weren’t there enough of those ordered by Conte during the pandemic? In Arezzo they want one day a month of suspension from “any impactful human activity”, to give ecosystems respite. And from the Lake Maggiore area they relaunch: to combat nightlife stress, the “constitutional right to silence” should be established.
Even bizarre medical theories are a thing for former grillini. In Calabria they are asking to finance a national screening campaign for oral swabs. The pseudoscientific thesis is particularly bold: they can prevent both tumors and Alzheimer’s. In Sicily they want to reopen the “Di Bella case”: an alternative treatment for cancer that has already been disavowed for almost thirty years. But the Enna militants, resuming an old battle, do not give up. The ministerial trial would have been “influenced and distorted by conflicts of interest with multinational drug companies”. Gomblotto! The usual strong powers that care about poor citizens. And then the school: in Milan the abolition of middle schools and the creation of work-related high schools are theorized. In Ogliastra they suggest the first year of online medicine to facilitate “natural selection”. Catanzaro praises the revolt against ministerial programs: they censor Karl Marx, theorist of class struggle and icon of communism. A heartfelt invitation follows: young people sign the teachers’ petition.
Even the eternal battle against the Caste resurfaces, although revised and corrected. Ascoli Piceno therefore asks for mandatory drug tests for parliamentarians: in case of positivity, expulsion is triggered. In Pescara they are even more resolute. It is urgent to introduce the crime of institutional forgery. Does a politician speak loudly? Very bad he should be blamed for it. Immediate forfeiture. And fines to broadcasters who do not correct swindlers live on TV, with Istat data. Enough hoaxes! However, the enormous risk must be pointed out to the merciless militants: given the precedents, their patrol of elected representatives would risk being rapidly decimated. Then it would be a moment: from bumblebees to bonzes.
