They are the hikikomori, a term coined in the late 1990s by the Japanese psychiatrist Tamaki Saitowhich means to stand aside, to move away. It indicates an extreme and prolonged social withdrawal, beyond six months, the darkness that falls on the lives of many adolescents. At the beginning the phenomenon affected mostly males, now also reaching females. Kids who voluntarily choose, this is the word that makes you shudder, to lock themselves inside their rooms. In a space of emptiness, of absolute solitude, where you can stop fighting. Shutters down, headphones in your ears, the food tray left outside the room on the floor. The unwashed body, hidden. The outside world that disgusts you, while your mother bangs incessantly on the closed door. Without receiving a response for years. Some parents, in interviews conducted by Panorama, went so far as to declare: «It is an unspeakable pain, incomprehensible to those who don’t feel it, difficult to explain. Sometimes we think that living like this is worse than having a dead child.”
The age of onset has dropped, there are also pre-adolescents, eleven, twelve years old. They invert the circadian rhythm, sleeping during the day and staying awake at night glued to the computer, no longer able to follow school. A phenomenon that involves more than one and a half million children in Japan (51% females, 49% males) and also affects their families, in a dramatic “double imprisonment”, due to shame and stigma. In South Korea there are more than 300 thousand retreatants. In China, 33 million young people addicted to the Internet are believed to be semi-recluses. In Italy, according to the latest research promoted byLocal health authority of Benevento and created byPsychoanalytic Institute of Social Research in Romewe talk about 200 thousand young intermittent prisoners. Epidemic numbers. The underground economy, especially in the South, is unimaginable. A discomfort that arises from many factors: an overprotective family, parents full of expectations, a close relationship between the overly nurturing mother and her child, a sense of inadequacy, the anxiety of falling behind, of not being up to par, of feeling “miserable”, incapable of bearing responsibility and pain. And above all a dark fear of failure.
The hikikomori phenomenon is growing in Italy after the pandemic
It worsened during Covid, cases increased brutally in Italy and the phenomenon changed its face, as he explains Antonio Piottipsychotherapist and philosopher, the leading Italian expert on social withdrawal in adolescence, author of Hikikomori post Covid: «After the pandemic everything changed. Pure social retreatants, primary doctors, are one thing, those who stay indoors for at least three months, you’re no longer the same as before, without seeing anyone. These are the so-called hikikomori. They have increased, but not as much compared to six years ago, the number is still around one hundred thousand. Once upon a time they were almost all (80%) male, today we are talking about 60% male and 40% female. Instead, the area of withdrawal risk has grown, and this is the great news. They have few friends, they go to school occasionally, they sometimes talk to their parents, but they don’t have emotional relationships, they spend a lot of time on the computer, without however being totally secluded.” The relationship with others is experienced as a threat, isolation becomes an egotic refuge: «I call it hyper narcissism, the violent side of narcissism. When you are disillusioned, angry, first of all you blame yourself. Which is just the other side of the coin of those who attack with knives”, he concludes Antonio Piotti.
Severe cases are more frequent in large cities rather than in the provinces. And between the ages of 13 and 15 the female percentage increases. Explains Roberta Invernizzipsychologist and psychotherapist, who works in the child neuropsychiatry service for children and adolescents in the ASST of Lecco where he coordinates the service #fifteen twenty-four: «With the girls we witnessed something absolutely different. At first we didn’t come across many of them, but during and after the pandemic their presence increased significantly. They initially showed a sort of recovery anxiety, the suffering of having been behind the screen suspending real relationships, a profound sense of emptiness, mixed with other symptoms such as eating disorders, self-harm, active suicidal ideation. Something profoundly different from what happened in males, who instead were in tune with withdrawal.” The overall level of suffering is higher in females. The psychotherapist continues: «By withdrawing, girls suspend planning. It’s a more depressive isolation. It never appears as a single phenomenon, but in comorbidity with other symptoms. The teenagers gradually move away, in silence. It’s like a body that not only escapes the gaze of the world, but that decides to live elsewhere, because growing up has become a dangerous identity event.”
Some girls say: «I want to die, let go, I have turned off time to live as if I were always in airplane mode. Suspended.” “It’s because I can’t repress my anxiety attacks that I have to avoid social contacts”, “My eating disorder makes relationships with others difficult”, “Once I’m holed up I don’t feel any sense of relief”. Our increasingly bleak description of the future doesn’t help them. They firmly believe that they have nothing to bet on. Fabio Busetti he is the father of a boy who has been retired for ten years. For the community of parents he is “the guru”, a point of reference: «We have four chats with a hundred families where we support each other. I notice that today there is more talk about it, but nothing has changed. I too, like many, was initially convinced that our children were ill, but instead it is not a pathology, it is a social problem. Maybe later the pathology also takes over. My son is 31 years old, for the first five years he only went out to buy cigarettes, then he came home and spent the night playing video games. One day he told me that his pain was the frustration of not succeeding as he wanted. They are all particularly intelligent, hypersensitive, but they feel misunderstood, they struggle to deal with the world we have imposed on them. Too competitive and high-performance. Yet they would let themselves die rather than bend or compromise. More than one speaks of his choice as a powerful silent revolution.” They get stuck between adolescence and adult life. The parents don’t know what to do, overwhelmed by anger they tear them out of their beds, try to forcefully drag them to school, remove the wi-fi, making a mistake and relegating them to total darkness.
A passion is the only thing that can bring them back to life
The director Roberto Gasparro he self-produced The snailone of the few films that tells about this world. It made more than two hundred screenings in schools, reaching over 5 thousand students: «It was a video on YouTube of a boy in a small room that introduced me to this reality. I traced a lot of pain, I understood that the world we created for them is moving at a speed that is not sustainable for everyone. And anyone who can’t keep up is discarded.” He kept the notes written by the students after the screenings. They are moving: «Thank you for not calling our rooms “prisons”», «The shell is sometimes the only defense», «You also count in silence, even if you remain in the shadows, your light comes».
Gabriella D., mother of Fred, 28, says: «Twelve years of withdrawal, even if not continuous. At first we chalked it up to an adolescent crisis. The teachers didn’t listen to me, they said he was lazy. They didn’t understand and neither did I, who carry guilt as heavy as boulders in my heart.” Finally a light bulb goes on: the problem is broader, deeper, it arises from many factors with a common trait, the absence of the father. There is no authoritative male figure from whom to receive support. Then the miracle: during a visit to the Roman estate of Captain LastFred becomes passionate about his hawks. The mother continues: «For four and a half years he has been involved in falconry, also taking care of the chicks (ed.). It’s his passion, the only relationship he feels it’s necessary to go out for. I will be eternally grateful to the general Sergio DeCaprio for giving him a new life.”
A passion is the only thing that can make them live again, says the psychotherapist Matteo Stefano Zanonmember of the cooperative The Kite of Sesto Calendehelps teenagers on their own ground with Video Game Therapythe therapeutic use of video games, within the project Sakidoof which he is the scientific director. A long and complex journey, where young people must rely and rediscover trust in adults. Mother Lina, from Turin, does her best for numerous families, even making her house in the Asti area available as a meeting place for the kids: “There, in the greenery, they feel comfortable, they have a barbecue.” Great generosity. His son is an engineer, graduated with honors with an important doctorate. «Handsome, good at sports, prepared, he excelled in everything. Then at thirty he had an unexpected breakdown: he lost his job and his girlfriend. It has been retired for ten years. The first few days were a Dante-esque group. Today he doesn’t work, but they call him to participate in conferences even abroad. Always from his room.”
Second Alberto Malfattipsychotherapist, project coordinator Invisible within the Bolzano association “La Strada-der Weg”the crisis arrives between the end of middle school and the first year of high school. «Today society has changed and their struggle has become individual. Individualism is the most revolutionary way they have to cry out their pain. Giving up the project that their parents wanted for them is a strong act, the only one they feel is possible.” There is also a bill presented by the hon Daniela Ruffinoparliamentarian of Actionwith a long history as an educator. It aims to establish a National observatory that monitors and coordinates the efforts of the Regions, in the public and private sectors. A lot has changed, he reflects Matteo Lancinipresident of Minotauro foundation of Milan: «Today we have a mixed phenomenon, which is no longer mainly attributable to severe, absolute withdrawal. The world is seen as increasingly hostile, less suitable for young people. They live in the society of adult bullying. There has never been such a wicked and self-dedicated generation of adults.”
The question to ask is: why do they withdraw, instead of protesting? «These are desperate gestures, a form of social suicide. They don’t rebel, but they express enormous discomfort, which is now desperation.” The latest story told by a Milanese mother seems like a film. His only son decides to leave everything at thirteen: school, rugby, friends. Four and a half years of total isolation. But he has a dream: to be a pastry chef and produces delicious panettone. That passion slowly saves him. With enormous sacrifices she buys a bigger house and equips him with a kitchen like the one in MasterChef, while she bends over backwards to work. Last November, at the age of 25, after twelve years of isolation, he decided to leave for Australia. Where today he is a chef. His mother talks to him on the phone every evening: «He is fragile and strong, tenacious and determined. He decided on his own that he wanted to open up to life. Even if a little piece of fear in my heart will remain forever.”
